Ok, so I am not a fabric person normally. But I have been so excited the past few days over my recent (and pricey) fabric purchases. A friend of mine is giving me a custom made quilt with the fabrics that I picked out. She is sending the fabrics to her mom, a seasoned quilter, and having her make the quilt, bumper, and skirt. I am just so excited to be having my own stuff which has been handpicked by me with my specific taste made specifically with Karis in mind. It is going to be just how I wanted it...fun, funky, modern, and a little bohemian looking.
Lately, Matt and I have been able to get our hands on this pregnancy thing...literally. What I mean by that is the last week has been full of washing clothes, rearranging the guest room into a nursery, checking out the endless amounts of baby gadgets and high tech equipment (of which I wonder how much is REALLY necessary), and the afformentioned fabric purchase. The arrival of our baby girl is becoming tangible in more ways as well as she is using her arms, legs, elbows, and who knows what other joints to kick and jab telling me she is thriving in the womb. And for that we are immensely grateful. A few posts ago I mentioned we were going through a challenging time. With enough distance from the crisis I can safely share some of what we've gone through. We discovered I have some physical traits that have a good likelihood of being passed down to Karis. The news was no less than shocking, scary, and even had a touch of shame to go with it for me as I realized that the things about my body which were different could now be passed down to my daughter and possibly in a more severe way. Thus began a series of phone calls and doctor's visits to truly get to the bottom of the mysterious and unwelcome discovery. Through it we have discovered that Karis is looking healthy and, like I said before, appearing to thrive in her cocoon. More tests will need to be done when she is born, but for now we breath a sigh of relief as the appearance of real danger has gone away.
How crazy and amazing is grace? This is the question I am left with as I look back over the last month. We picked the name Karis because it is the Greek word for grace. Throughout the last month, the Lord has revealed to me just how perfectly her name was chosen for her and for us. Initially I casually thought, "Cool. Grace. We certainly can only parent a sinful human being as sinners ourselves by the grace of God." As these physical concerns surfaced this month, I began to realize that her name was taking on a new meaning. It is truly by God's grace that we can even have a child and that she would be born healthy. What's even more than that is that God's grace would sustain us if she were unhealthy or abnormal in any way. God's grace would allow us to be overcome with joy and fulfillment in the birth of our daughter, no matter her physical condition. That was the second realization of the powerful meaning of her name. The third meaning is what took me by surprise the most and has honestly led to the most healing in my life. I realized it is God's grace in my life that I walk the path of uncertainty, fear, and disgust at myself that came through this. God has provided healing deep within me that has allowed me to accept the things about me I have always hated and to realize God made me who I am. What's more is that if he chooses to have Karis look like me, I will adore her. I have come to accept who God has made me to be. That is incredible grace or, better said, Karis in my life.
That is all for now, folks. I have the next two weeks off for spring break, and I couldn't be more thrilled or in need of rest. I am sick once again with what appears to be some form of cold/allergies/flu. Hopefully it won't develop into any full blown sickness requiring medicine. Like I said, this job working with kids is rough on my pregnant body. But I am choosing to look at it positively and think I must have super human immunities by now! Have a great weekend.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Posted by Alina at 9:39 PM